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  • Aurika Valan

Orgasms buried under numbness and pain

Updated: Aug 12, 2019


If pleasure is not (yet) part of your sexual expression, it means that your body - given all that it's been through - feels UNSAFE. So it protects itself from feeling.


If you’re a woman and if I met you over the last weeks, I’ve probably asked you about your orgasm situation. Few really pondered it and just blurted out the word “good” but after having a more vulnerable conversation a very different reality got revealed. The one that’s buried under thick layers of shame, pain and numbness.


Numbness is is actually how your body is trying to keep you safe from experiencing anything that could have caused any level of trauma before; including overstepped boundaries, saying yes when we meant no, having partners who were too fast, too rough or disconnected from the heart. This applies to both sexes.



The distance from our sexuality goes beyond not knowing where our magic portals such as G-spot or cervix are located, it goes even beyond never having experienced an orgasm during intercourse. It comes down to one gloomy truth: lack of self-love. This pathological wave of unworthiness translates into feeling shame for feeling pleasure (!), freezing instead of asking for what you desire and a chronic affliction of feeling “not enough”.


This is DEEP and tears my heart apart.


Our sexuality permeates our whole existence, ignites creation and adds a fiery vibrance to our eyes yet we don’t even know how to articulate this conversation. In one of the women’s circles I held last week I met a woman who had never spoken about sex with her husband. Just sitting in the circle was already out of her comfort zone - and I celebrate her for being there! I celebrate you reading up until here because it means that, at the very least, this topic tickled something inside of you, no matter where you are on the sexual suppression<->embodiment spectrum. The disassociation between our sex and spirit is a collective one and I haven’t met a human being who doesn’t hold some level of trauma here, myself included.


We just don’t know what we don’t know.


The first step is acknowledging that there’s MORE to our sexuality than what we’ve been taught via sex-obsessed media, absurdly unrealistic porn and very confusing social conditioning messages. Then it’s about starting to accept all of you, feeling SAFE to feel (often this implies screaming in rage before we can welcome pleasure at all), and overthrowing those false beliefs - one by one. Ciao, you little gremlins, your era is gone. We’re here to reclaim our real power and innate body wisdom. I choose my yoni, the eternal silence that creates everything, to be my guide back to love.


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