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  • Aurika Valan

Practice makes pleasure

Updated: Aug 23, 2019

The amount of pleasure we experience equals to how fully we can receive life's mystery and abundance. How to re-sensitize our sexuality to welcome more pleasure?


In this hedonist world all we do is chase pleasure yet the truth is that usually we end up compromising our unlimited pleasure capacity for a quick-fix gratification. We simply don’t know any better or, even worse, we don’t believe we deserve it. So we content ourselves with a mere glimpse of what could actually be our natural ecstatic state available to us at ALL times. Hard to believe? Bear with me.


Two types of pleasure: pleasure to escape and pleasure to feel


< 1 > There's instant gratification which helps us numb our uncomfortable feelings via emotional eating, disconnected masturbation, shopaholism, binging on movies or alcohol, tinder etc. This gives us an instant dopamine hit but that's about it. We get hooked for more.


< 2 > And there's the type of pleasure that calls for deeper presence, activates all of our senses and makes us melt in a divine bliss. This pleasure expands our capacity to feel and receive life. For example, closing our eyes and indulging into good piece of chocolate, making love with no goal, smelling Autumn rain at dusk or floating in the ocean.


We console ourselves that “next time sex will be different” but is it ever really?

How about pleasure when it comes to sexuality?


Many women wish to experience a soul-touching internal orgasm but they still go for the clitoral quick fix.


Many men wish to last longer but when the “fireworks” moment comes, once again, it seems impossible not to repeat the same scenario.


Many know that deep breathing in sex allows for more pleasure to inundate our bodies, but-when the highly anticipated moment of arousal comes-we either feel a massive resistance to do anything different than the last 100 times or, most likely, we forget to breath at all.




What have you done to actually expand your pleasure experience?

Right. I hear you. Rewiring habits is horrendously difficult! It takes time! And requires (my favourite word) commitment. However, no one else will do it for you. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a lover who awakens the Divine God/Goddess that you are, it still does not compare to owning your pleasure and finding your intrinsic power in it. If your beloved does not feel like giving you YOUR pleasure, what will you do?


It’s deeply disempowering to have your pleasure "outsourced" in someone else's hands.

At the end, no one will open you more than you're already open.

It's about time to claim your power and rewrite these co-dependent pleasure paradigms.



So, how to fill your own cup of pleasure?


Morning practice is a great place to start: it’s free and everyone can wake up 15mins earlier.


Doing a few minutes of breathwork daily will create a habit of circulating sexual energy the next time you’re aroused. Moving your energy up to will release stagnant emotions and gradually unlock states of bliss. This alone is a pretty good damn reason to breath more!


Another way to awaken your sexuality is via conscious self-pleasure whereby you explore how you desire to be honoured and made love to. The gloomy truth is that we’re never truly present with our bodies and even less so—with our genitals.


Our genitals are so numb that we depend on intense stimulation to feel anything at all.

And this de-sensitizes us even more.


This is exactly why self-pleasure is necessary to restore sensitivity in our sexuality. In a way, it's like tuning your instrument before you go to play: you practice presence and let go of any goal. My friends Dara and Simon have created a whole program on conscious masturbation called Orgasmic Yoga in case you want to truly master the art self-pleasure.


♾️ ♾️ ♾️

We need to get more sensitive so that we can feel more with less.


The amount of pleasure we can experience equals to how fully we can receive life's mystery and abundance . It revitalises us as we tap into the ocean of creative energy—you can recognise someone who owns their pleasure by their magnetic radiance and spark in the eyes.


By owning our pleasure we claim our space and confidence in the world. It gives us the power to break the chains of social conditioning and dare to be the architects of the lives we desire.


Pleasure liberates. We're no longer dependant on outer sources to make us happy and give us energy. This is called peace and sexual sovereignty.


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Pictures by Cim Ek, Kristian Lovstad, Billy Huynh



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